I wanted to post about my recent endeavor to make a new friend. For the past few weeks I have had the urge to befriend this slightly taciturn male that is on the outskirts of my work solar system. We don't come in contact much, but when we do he is always wickedly funny. It may be because I started getting homesick recently. I haven't had it this bad in 10 years.
After meeting up with my bestie Rhonda in Maryland a couple weeks ago it was like I could hear the ocean calling me. When I got back to town I thought to myself "Stacie! Get your shit together. Get a new friend, single...no kids...someone to talk to on your non mom days". All my friends at work are married, moms, or like to go to bed at 6pm. All my friends in GE are married, or moms, or with someone. Trying to get these people to do something takes time and a scheduler.
So....I decide to befriend Kringle (now named as such because he looks like the rankin bass kris kringle).
Now I want you to ask yourself, when was the last time you made a new friend of the opposite sex? It's not fair to compare it to making friends with someone who works in your same department. That is way too easy....constantly seeing each other , yapping at the microwave, making fun of the same people. What I am talking about is making friends with someone who works on a different floor that you sometimes see in the cafeteria or at the coffee cart.
So I tried waiting till we bumped into each other....that didn't work....probably cause i have the patience of a gnat. I tried calling him and then hung up when his vm came on. Finally I just left him a message telling him to call me ....or not.
When he called it was the most awkward backwards discussion ever. I had no idea how to start! He sounded put out from the beginning. I guess i would have too if I had me stalking me and then I started straight off with " do you want to be my friend?" His response " Wha?!"
OH MY GOD. This just proves that I have been spending too much time with my eight year old and not enough time with adults.
I repeated my inane comment...." be my friend" I mumbled.
His? " Are you kidding me? *note- he did not sound flattered or excited....in fact, the exact opposite.
then he put me on hold.
I actually stared at the phone. then I hung up like the hounds of hell were going to come flying out of the receiver.
After about a minute the phone rang and I stared at it in horror. When I picked up he barked "why did you hang up ? I told you to hold on!"
what words of awesomeness came out of my mouth next???
" I just figured it was such a ridiculous conversation we were having...too bizarre...I just had to hang up"
so he said " alright" and then hung up.
WTF is wrong with me? I have now basically made the impression that I am a confusing strange stalkerish woman with the people skills of a 3rd grader. I thought about it...and .composed an apologetic email asking him to dinner or a drink. He responded with an email saying he would be busy for 3 weeks and would call me after that (read...I am busy for the rest of my life, or until you are admitted to the funny farm).
When I got home that night I collapsed on the couch and told Riley, "today mommy tried to make a new friend. It's harder than I remember" and the sage little light of my life said to me,
" look mommy... you don't ask. You do it like I did just today. I was in the kids zone playing and this other kid came along and we ended up playing the same thing...after awhile he was my friend... just like that! "
Righttttt...just like that.
I have to add this comment I got from my cousin. It is friggen awesome and so true as well as funny. If you want me to take it off smart cousin, let me know and I will.
ReplyDeleteMy comments about your friend blog:
Friends can be a tricky business as it is very hard to find anyone that is willing to be a real-besty right off the bat, yet there is no reason a 'friend of convenience' can not become a besty over time. It might be better to avoid trying to make connections over email or the phone as sometimes your message could be received in a different manner than you intended; but I think you did the right thing by hanging up while on-hold as there is a good chance Kringle may have been amassing an audience. Impatience or seeming too eager gives off the creepy vibe, like I have a couch I need your help moving into my van creepy. I strongly suggest treating Kringle like nothing ever happened, and let the weirdness go; if you don't/can't it's only going to get worse. Also you may not want to pursue any friend experiences with Kringle for a long while. Riley had some good advise; friendship doesn't have to be a formal agreement, and inviting people to do something casually isn't weird. I understand that you may want to avoid the 'what if' situations like 'what if he thinks I'm asking him on a date?', but when you realize that nervousness of any kind including 'what if' thinking transfers within your interaction like an embedded creepiness you will understand that it's better just to be comfortable around people you find a common thread. It's important to be yourself, and realize not everybody is going to like you; but that doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
REJECTION! is unavoidable but as long as you remember that you do not have to take the blame for all, half, or even the majority of friendship rejections you will be fine. Evaluating some rejections is probably healthy, but don't waste your time over analyzing every experience as there is a good chance you weren't to blame and there was nothing you could have done differently to change the outcome.
Making new friends with the right people is easy, and going through people who aren't the right people is just part of the process, so stay positive and be persistent in the search.
Be happy, be yourself , and be confident.