So I have to defend myself before I go any further…Xbox Live gold accounts get to download a preselected game twice a month…so 2 new games a month for FREE! One of the games was Saints Row the 3rd a game where you can run around in a sandbox environment driving cars buying property etc.
That etc is running people over blowing shit up and so on and so on.
Being the bad mom I didn’t even THINK of looking the game up before I let Ry play it. He loves it of course.
This game led him to asking me if he could get GTA 5 which had better cars etc etc …when I finally found out GTA 5 was Grand Theft Auto I almost shit my pants. I dissuaded him from purchasing the game by saying NO. Later at Game stop we were asking for a similar game that didn’t have strip clubs etc…and we mentioned Saints Row…to which I found out the Gamestop man felt SR was WORSE than GTA. Thanks buddy…thanks a lot. So Ry used all his money to buy GTA and that leads to the next story…
Last night Ry asked if he could use his allowance to buy some money on GTA so he could get a sweet crib. I told him maybe he should just go work for that nasty dude that has him knock over local joints for cash…he said he didn’t get paid enough or get it consistently. I told him I was glad he learned that lesson early…and to get a real job later in life.
I told him I would think on it and as he went to bed I sat down to purchase some cash for him. It was really freaking confusing. Every button I pressed did something weird…I finally happened across the online store and got him his money. When I was trying to exit the game I ended up hitting a button and jumping into the car…I drove around for a bit looking for a clothes shop…his outfit was skanky. Instead I stumbled across a tattoo place…I managed to get out of the car, go into the store and I picked him out the sweetest paper airplane tattoo for his shoulder. He’ll never see it…he’s been wearing that smelly outfit for days.
I exited the store and tried to get back in the car. I ended up punching the windshield out and crouching beside it looking like someone having bad hallucinations. Just when I was ready to give up I stumbled across the jump in car button again and I was off. I was still on the lookout for a clothes shop…I was rolling down the street when I saw THE STRIP CLUB! OMG! I should check this out and see how bad it really is!
I launched out of the car….walked past the 2 ho’s and around the bouncer. The door to the club wouldn’t open…I started trying buttons…next thing I know I am beating the shit out of the bouncer! I stopped right away, but when he started to get up I realized he would probably try to hurt me so I beat him some more then I tried to find the button fro the car…instead I pulled a gun and shot the building! I backed up and there were 2 paramedics by the bouncer …they saw my gun and started to run! Next thing I know someone is shooting at me…IT’S THE PO PO! I managed to get my ass in the car and take off…the po po were on my tail…I managed to crash twice and then go around a couple of corners fast and down the side of a hill. I LIVED! I got out of the car and slunk away in a crouch cause I couldn’t figure out how to stand up. Hope Ry can find his car the next time he logs on.