So it’s a half hour past the end of my work day….I am seriously dragging….my hair (which I had not done a THING to that morning) is flat all over…except for a matted spot on the right top side of my head…my orange shirt is feeling too tight and I am holding a container of sour cream. I walk down the ramp (which I always call the gang plank in my head) and round the bend….coming face to face with Kringle who had come around the corner of his trailer.
Me- uh hi
Kringle- hey! (crap)
Silence
Kringle- look at you all decked out in Halloween colors (wtf is wrong with her? She looks like she is being strangled by her shirt and it looks like she rubbed a balloon against her hair!)
Me- ummmm that’s how we do it in accounting….keep it festive….only a week left.
Kringle- yep! Almost Halloween…can’t wait. ( for it to be over…)
Me- dressing up and trick or treating? (why did I ask him that? What am I even saying? What is coming out of my GD mouth? )
Kringle- I was thinking I would just be a loser….get it? I already am? (there’s my car…I am so close to escaping!)
Me- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (ran out of anything…anything to say….when does that ever happen}
Gah….
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Lets go on a field trip!!!
So the other day at the work I received a w9 for a small business in our area. This means we can now start sending the person checks for our purchases, instead of having to get petty cash signed off by 3 people before heading over there. The place is small and reallllllllllllll dirty I had heard, but I had to go over there and walk him through our process so he wouldn't be lost. Cath came with me since she knew where it was. After we stopped at the goodwill and picked up mikes fortune tellers costume, we walked a couple doors down to the store.
The sign said CLOSED. Shit. I really wanted to get this done NOW.
As I peered thru the dusty glass looking to see if the lights were on and such, I felt Cathy poking me...poke poke poke...LOOK! I look at the window next to me where I see a large box...lid up...with grasshoppers hopping and crawling...EWWWW ! And flies buzzing! UGH! I look back thru the front window and see the lights on and the backdoor open. I knock but no one comes...
I have a printed list of invoicing rules in my hand...but I am loath to pop it thru the mail slot...this dude was LOST on the phone and I know he will not understand what I am getting at unless I can garner some eye contact.
Me- come on....let’s drive around the back...I think he's back there.
Cath- ugh...can't you just drop the paper in the mail slot...this place is so gross...and now you want to go in the alley?
Me- it will just take a second. Think what an adventure this will be.
On our way back to the car we see a walkway between 2 buildings...
Me- hey! Let’s take this walkway
Cath- ummmmmm okay...looks kinda odd
We step into the walkway and this is when I realize it is barely as wide as my shoulders. If for any reason we had to turn around quickly and run, too late...we would be dead. Of course the upside is that I can throw Cath at an attacker as long as they come in her end of the pass thru.
We come out the other end unscathed and see mouse man standing there. I walk up slowly, like approaching a child who doesn’t want a bath.
Me- hi! I’m Stacie from the zoo!
MM- ohhhh hiiiiiiiiiiii
Me- we received your tax info from your accountant and I thought I would stop by and walk you through our process.
Mm- that would be nice…it is so confusing….
Mm- ohhhhh it’s raining…come in out of the rain
Cath- gahhhhhhhh
Me- thanks!
Mousman walks in the dim dirty back door….I follow….Cath drags behind not looking happy.
MOTHER OF GOD! Dirt, dust, smell….did I say smell????Mouse-rabbity-stale-animal food-weirdness?! My allergies start acting up ASAP…
Mouseman and I talk about invoices, and receipt books etc…..I find that I am slowly backing out the door as I talk….Cath has already headed back into the rain.
Mousman is lonely and keeps talking. He’s a pretty nice guy….just…..a little…..off?
Mm- I come in here 7 days a week. My family doesn’t understand, but if I don’t feed the mice they will eat the pinkies (baby mice).
Me- hmmmmmmm
mm- Also …people need food for their animals…this one guy got a snake and it wasn’t eating…it was small….so I said…here….ya need a rat…first ya bop it on the head….to kill it..uhhhhhh EUTHENIZE it…
Me- hmmmmmmm (look at the funny little guy trying to back pedal and erase the BOP IT part!)
Mm- then you chop off the rat tail and feed it to the snake…cause its nothing but a sausage,…that’s all tails are….SAUSAGE.
Me-cool.
During this exchange I have a bright smile on my face and I cannot help but be interested….I find just about everything having to do with death fascinating in some way….I peek behind me and see Cathy looking a little green….with a wan smile on her face….I can see the words LETS BAIL being transmitted to me.
Me- fascinating…fascinating….well….we’ve gotta get back! Call if you have any questions!
Cathy- under her breath in the walkway once more…OMG…that place made crazy with my asthma…
Me- ugh.
When I got back, I emailed everyone and their cousins on the new procedure. Kringle was on the list…and guess what…he emailed me back.
Thanks Stacie!
You da bomb!
So maybe he has pulled the restraining order? Doesn’t fear me lurking outside his house? Maybe I am too paranoid and he never thought I was stalking him?
Because no matter how polite you are you should NEVER e-thank your stalker….for anything!
The sign said CLOSED. Shit. I really wanted to get this done NOW.
As I peered thru the dusty glass looking to see if the lights were on and such, I felt Cathy poking me...poke poke poke...LOOK! I look at the window next to me where I see a large box...lid up...with grasshoppers hopping and crawling...EWWWW ! And flies buzzing! UGH! I look back thru the front window and see the lights on and the backdoor open. I knock but no one comes...
I have a printed list of invoicing rules in my hand...but I am loath to pop it thru the mail slot...this dude was LOST on the phone and I know he will not understand what I am getting at unless I can garner some eye contact.
Me- come on....let’s drive around the back...I think he's back there.
Cath- ugh...can't you just drop the paper in the mail slot...this place is so gross...and now you want to go in the alley?
Me- it will just take a second. Think what an adventure this will be.
On our way back to the car we see a walkway between 2 buildings...
Me- hey! Let’s take this walkway
Cath- ummmmmm okay...looks kinda odd
We step into the walkway and this is when I realize it is barely as wide as my shoulders. If for any reason we had to turn around quickly and run, too late...we would be dead. Of course the upside is that I can throw Cath at an attacker as long as they come in her end of the pass thru.
We come out the other end unscathed and see mouse man standing there. I walk up slowly, like approaching a child who doesn’t want a bath.
Me- hi! I’m Stacie from the zoo!
MM- ohhhh hiiiiiiiiiiii
Me- we received your tax info from your accountant and I thought I would stop by and walk you through our process.
Mm- that would be nice…it is so confusing….
Mm- ohhhhh it’s raining…come in out of the rain
Cath- gahhhhhhhh
Me- thanks!
Mousman walks in the dim dirty back door….I follow….Cath drags behind not looking happy.
MOTHER OF GOD! Dirt, dust, smell….did I say smell????Mouse-rabbity-stale-animal food-weirdness?! My allergies start acting up ASAP…
Mouseman and I talk about invoices, and receipt books etc…..I find that I am slowly backing out the door as I talk….Cath has already headed back into the rain.
Mousman is lonely and keeps talking. He’s a pretty nice guy….just…..a little…..off?
Mm- I come in here 7 days a week. My family doesn’t understand, but if I don’t feed the mice they will eat the pinkies (baby mice).
Me- hmmmmmmm
mm- Also …people need food for their animals…this one guy got a snake and it wasn’t eating…it was small….so I said…here….ya need a rat…first ya bop it on the head….to kill it..uhhhhhh EUTHENIZE it…
Me- hmmmmmmm (look at the funny little guy trying to back pedal and erase the BOP IT part!)
Mm- then you chop off the rat tail and feed it to the snake…cause its nothing but a sausage,…that’s all tails are….SAUSAGE.
Me-cool.
During this exchange I have a bright smile on my face and I cannot help but be interested….I find just about everything having to do with death fascinating in some way….I peek behind me and see Cathy looking a little green….with a wan smile on her face….I can see the words LETS BAIL being transmitted to me.
Me- fascinating…fascinating….well….we’ve gotta get back! Call if you have any questions!
Cathy- under her breath in the walkway once more…OMG…that place made crazy with my asthma…
Me- ugh.
When I got back, I emailed everyone and their cousins on the new procedure. Kringle was on the list…and guess what…he emailed me back.
Thanks Stacie!
You da bomb!
So maybe he has pulled the restraining order? Doesn’t fear me lurking outside his house? Maybe I am too paranoid and he never thought I was stalking him?
Because no matter how polite you are you should NEVER e-thank your stalker….for anything!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I'm gonna live the free life
Ry told me Saturday he was running away from home.
Ry- You are so mean and bossy...i am done! I am leaving!
he grabbed his cubs robe and laid it down. He started filling it with all sorts of kid shit...pokemon cards, a microscope, other things he wouldn't let me see. he rolled it all up like a tootsie roll and marched in front of me. (fyi we have tons of backpacks ....but everytime he wants to run away, it is the same robe with a tootsie roll look).
Ry- I'm leaving now
me- where you going?
ry- a river. that way i can fish for my food and drink water and stuff.
me- winter isn't too far off, you sure you don't want to stay where its warm?
ry- I can build a shelter and have a fire.
me- you just ordered some pokemon cards off of ebay. they aren't showing up for another 5 days.
ry- *crap* Okay...i will stay till the pokemon cards show up and THEN i am leaving!
later that day we sat down and had a talk about how running away doesn't solve anything and ...
me- you know ry, who was crabby and bossy first this morning?
ry- i was! I know!
me- and your mood affected mine...i started getting bossy and crabby back at you
ry- HEY! Thats called PAYBACK and you told me that payback was BAD!
Busted!
Ry- You are so mean and bossy...i am done! I am leaving!
he grabbed his cubs robe and laid it down. He started filling it with all sorts of kid shit...pokemon cards, a microscope, other things he wouldn't let me see. he rolled it all up like a tootsie roll and marched in front of me. (fyi we have tons of backpacks ....but everytime he wants to run away, it is the same robe with a tootsie roll look).
Ry- I'm leaving now
me- where you going?
ry- a river. that way i can fish for my food and drink water and stuff.
me- winter isn't too far off, you sure you don't want to stay where its warm?
ry- I can build a shelter and have a fire.
me- you just ordered some pokemon cards off of ebay. they aren't showing up for another 5 days.
ry- *crap* Okay...i will stay till the pokemon cards show up and THEN i am leaving!
later that day we sat down and had a talk about how running away doesn't solve anything and ...
me- you know ry, who was crabby and bossy first this morning?
ry- i was! I know!
me- and your mood affected mine...i started getting bossy and crabby back at you
ry- HEY! Thats called PAYBACK and you told me that payback was BAD!
Busted!
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