Pictures of the new place

Moving is such a pain in the ass, but now that Ry and I are in our new place and mostly unpacked, I thought I would post some pictures. 

                                                 The 3 season room that leads to the backyard. 

It connects to the Kitchen

 and this portion of the kitchen has a door that leads to the hall to the front door of the building.

and there is a pantry to the left of that door

through the kitchen is a small hallway that is showing Ry's door. The bathroom is to the right and the living room to the left. 

Teeny Bathroom 

                                       Ry's built in's and the door that attaches to his office.

                 Other side of that door in his office and the doors that lead to the living room 

                      His office from the french doors that lead to the living room/dining area

                                              the living room/dining room from my desk

                                                 Still haven't finished decorating my built ins

                                                  those doors lead to the house entryway. 

living room and office (and my room to the right) from the dining area

My bedroom 

rest of my bedroom

Front...first floor 

12-3-14

 So….my parents came to the Zoo today and they were lucky enough to meet a Serval cat named Churchill. HFPZ keepers Dan, Christy, and Andy were there…as well as Glenn…

While the whole thing was interesting…the best part goes like this

First…when I came to Hamill Family I saw Dan and shouted DAN DAN the TOILET SEAT MAN! This was a fail for 2 reasons…1) Dan has no earthly clue who I am. 2) He didn’t understand why I would call him that. …. It was because years ago there was an invoice I paid that paid for a toilet seat or toilet parts and I thought it was weird for him to have had to order such a thing for his job..and it just stuck. Sorry …your nickname is that forever.

Second…the Serval was sitting nicely and Dan was sitting nicely and my dad was rolling up in his ECV when the strap on something got stuck to the hand accelerator on the ECV and my dad started careening out of control…

Dad- I CAN’T STOP!

Serval- Bug eyed at my dad rushing closely past him.

Me- grabbing Dads shirt as he whizzes past trying to slow him

Small girl child in tutu- jumping out of the way curls flying

Dan Dan the Toilet seat man- calmly puts his foot out and stops the tire…or conversely…had his foot run over…or…his psychic death stare slowed my father…

Dad- somehow manages to thwart DDtTSM’s psychic hold and careens into the far wall where he finally stops.

Serval- Someone give that human a pinkie! Good Trick!

Bad mom Game edition

So I have to defend myself before I go any further…Xbox Live gold accounts get to download a preselected game twice a month…so 2 new games a month for FREE! One of the games was Saints Row the 3^rd a game where you can run around in a sandbox environment driving cars buying property etc.

 

That etc is running people over blowing shit up and so on and so on.

 

Being the bad mom I didn’t even THINK of looking the game up before I let Ry play it. He loves it of course.

 

This game  led him to asking me if he could get GTA 5 which had better cars etc etc …when I finally found out GTA 5 was Grand Theft Auto I almost shit my pants. I dissuaded him from purchasing the game by saying NO. Later at Game stop we were asking for a similar game that didn’t have strip clubs etc…and we mentioned Saints Row…to which I found out the Gamestop man felt SR was WORSE than GTA. Thanks buddy…thanks a lot. So Ry used all his money to buy GTA and that leads to the next story…

 

Last night Ry asked if he could use his allowance to buy some money on GTA so he could get a sweet crib. I told him maybe he should just go work for that nasty dude that has him knock over local joints for cash…he said he didn’t get paid enough or get it consistently. I told him I was glad he learned that lesson early…and to get a real job later in life.

 

I told him I would think on it and as he went to bed I sat down to purchase some cash for him. It was really freaking confusing. Every button I pressed did something weird…I finally happened across the online store and got him his money. When I was trying to exit the game I ended up hitting a button and jumping into the car…I drove around for a bit looking for a clothes shop…his outfit was skanky. Instead I stumbled across a tattoo place…I managed to get out of the car, go into the store and I picked him out the sweetest paper airplane tattoo for his shoulder. He’ll never see it…he’s been wearing that smelly outfit for days.

I exited the store and tried to get back in the car. I ended up punching the windshield out and crouching beside it looking like someone having bad hallucinations. Just when I was ready to give up I stumbled across the jump in car button again and I was off. I was still on the lookout for a clothes shop…I was rolling down the street when I saw THE STRIP CLUB! OMG! I should check this out and see how bad it really is!

I launched out of the car….walked past the 2 ho’s and around the bouncer. The door to the club wouldn’t open…I started trying buttons…next thing I know I am beating the shit out of the bouncer! I stopped right away, but when he started to get up I realized he would probably try to hurt me so I beat him some more then I tried to find the button fro the car…instead I pulled a gun and shot the building! I backed up and there were 2 paramedics by the bouncer …they saw my gun and started to run! Next thing I know someone is shooting at me…IT’S THE PO PO! I  managed to get my ass in the car and take off…the po po were on my tail…I managed to crash twice and then go around a couple of corners fast and down the side of a hill. I LIVED! I got out of the car and slunk away in a crouch cause I couldn’t figure out how to stand up. Hope Ry can find his car the next time he logs on.

Open here I flung the shutter..

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before,
"Surely," said I, "surely, that is something at my window lattice.
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore.
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.
" 'Tis the wind, and nothing more." -The Raven   Edgar Allan Poe

Oh Dear. There were 2 glorious nights of radio silence from Bert. Ry was unhappy, but I felt a little relieved at not having to ...having to what? Its not like there was more work with 2 kids. Less in fact. But as I enjoy the shit out of Ry  and pretty much not any other child...I guess I was glad to be back to what I was used to .

Then came Saturday.

Mike had Ry, as they were going to orientation to learn about being volunteers at ADOPT in the cat section. This was Belles idea as she thought ry needed to learn about helping others for helps sake...not allowance sake.  Also there was all this building esteem...better human...yadda yadda that she spouted on about. Well let me tell you Belle! When Ry wears down Mike and ends up bringing Bananas the 500 year old constantly sleeping fat cat home, YOU are taking it!

Anyway, Mom came out and we had a wondrous time together...Library, chatting, eating...it was awesome. Then Mike and Ry went to the pool and mom went home and I took a shower and then took a nap in front of the fan....BLISS.

that is until the doorbell rang.

ding dong ding dong.

Oh my god my eyes flew open. It could only be one person. BERT.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I am not getting it. I am in a shirt and undies...i am happy on my bed....he will figure it out.

ding dong ding dong ding dong

clatter *pause* clatter (door knocker)

silence.

well shit. now I'm done with the nap. so i grabbed my book and left the lights off so he wouldn't be alerted to my presence in the event he was loitering somewhere nearby.

In the event?

ding dong ding dong ding dong

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

now its a matter of stubbornness. I will NOT put on pants and answer that door! NO ONE IS HOME!

silence

a page of my book
 

BANG!

pause

BANG!

WHAT THE *&@!

I leap out of my bed and fling open the curtains.There is Bert...Standing on a section of firewood a foot under my window banging a stick against my window. I stared goggle eyed at him then crank open the window. Before I could even say a word Bert says "whew...about time! What took you so long?!"

WHAT?!

me-Bert! They aren't home! Ry is with his dad.
Bert -  Oh. Where did they go?
me- the pool
Bert- when will they be back?
me- no idea. See you later!
Bert- oh. okay. bye.

I crank the window shut and go try to call Mike. No answer.
I send a text to J, who is also at the pool, and tell her who was at my house.
I call D two doors down and tell her how Bert was like Spiderman all up at my window.

a short time later i get a text from D (who had driven past on her way to the store).

He is in your driveway.


OMG...do you know where your children are? I peek out the window and he is sitting on the front step next to our door. I try Mike again and he blessedly picks up. Looks like J told Ry that Bert was at our place and they are on the way home. I go downstairs and open the door and let Bert know they are on their way home.

Bert- where were they ?
me- the pool (dude....told you that before)
Bert- where is the pool?
me- far far away stalker..okay...I didn't say stalker.

I close the door and Mike and Ry roll up 5 minutes later.

Staker, thy stalking is done for the day.

We have a new addition to the family

His name will be known as ....Bert.

Bert lives about 2 blocks away and is a schoolmate of Ry's. He is also 9 years old. He stumbled across us one evening as we were bringing pizza in for dinner and he has been eating with us ever since. He motors around during the day while Ry is at the Y and shows up right when we get home. He has been as far and wide as rocket ship park and the school and well...everywhere.

Here are some awesome things that have happened since Bert has come along.
1. Mike had Ry for the day so I was cleaning my room...halfway through I laid down for a nap...I was awoken by Bert standing over me.." Did you miss us?" Bert asked...."Not really" Iblearily replied. He responded with where they went...how long they were gone then ran back downstairs to tell Ry I didn't miss them.
2. Same night...he asked where I was going when I walked out the door. ..I said out....he again said, where? I said....its Mikes night with Ry ...I get to just go out...without explaining where!
3. Ry wanted him to stay late for the fireworks...I said no....it will be dark ...he needs to go home before dark...WHY? Bert asked. DUDE! You are nine! go home before dark!

Bert does not get to ride his bike. There are 2 different stories on this...one is that his tires are flat....the second (from his mouth) is that his mom said he isn't responsible enough for it.  My coworkers were blown away by that...Cath said..."Wait...he is allowed to motor around all over town by himself, but he can't ride a bike cause he isn't responsible enough?"....to which Jen replied "Maybe he isn't responsible enough on a bike to stay in the state and not head for California!" Jen has a good point. 

Mike worked from home Monday. He told Bert not to come by Monday till 6 as he would be home, but Ry would be at the Y. At lunch im'd Mike and asked him how many times Bert had come by. Mike scoffed at me..." Not once! I told him not till 6!" That night when I got home I asked what time Bert had come by. Mike looked a bit embarrassed..."well", Mike said " after we talked Bert came by. I re-reminded him not till 6. Bert came by a little over an hour later and I decided to just pick up Ry at 4 and bring him home for Bert."


I told Mike he may have to start paying me more child support to feed Bert...Mike said NO SHIT!

I am glad Ry has an evening friend...I am glad Bert has a person to hang with in the evening...but people...you all know I really don't like kids. I hope i can make it through the summer without going crazy with my additional charge.

PS two minutes ago as I was writing this in my dark room (too hot for lights) i hear a voice right near my ear go "Can I use the phone?"  I screamed and just about peed my pants. " Yes Bert, you can use the phone."

The Kringle Chronicles

So the other day at work , one of my friends whom I will call AntE came over and we were talking about an emergency expense Kringle was going to have. She was giving me a heads up and then somehow the conversation changed to Kringles manly skills.

AntE- So Kringle is awesome at his job and really knows what he is doing.
me- yep, i've seen him in manic action...he is pretty cool.
AntE- the other day he had to get an alligator ready for some test so he just went on in there, wrassled it down and got its mouth shut.
me- ...
me-oh my god that is so hot.
AntE- yes...*laughing*...it is
me- no really....I think my panties just flew off and hit the window.

Later I was talking to someone else who knew about it.

me- OH MY GOD...did you hear Kringle wrassled an alligator alone! HOW HOT!
greenwool- laughs...yes...but honey...he had like 4 people there with him.
me- okay....4 people...but still he wrassled an alligator!
greenwool- I think he may have helped, but then I think he got booted onto his ass in the water.
me- *sigh* that sounds more like Kringle. the fantasy is gone. come on back now panties.

Birthday approacheth

I am turning 40. I am not being sarcastic when I say how excited I am by this. I always looked forward to the 30s and 40s. it seems like that would be the most amazing part of your life. You are finally an adult and you feel it down in your bones. Just look at what happened in my 30's.

I took a job halfway across the county and moved there alone.
I got married.
I had a child.
I got separated from my husband.
I realized that if I took this one little pill I would be less shy and anxiety ridden.
I got a job at a zoo!

In that time I have visited old friends, made new friends, and mostly learned a shit load of stuff about myself. It leaves me wondering what wonderful or life changing things will happen in my 40's? Oh...Happy Birthday to me.

Ice is for Skating

So the other day, I came back to work after lunch and got to park my car in a close to the door space. Yay for me! When I got out of the car I noticed I was parked next to/ on top of a large puddle of slick ice. I gingerly walked into a safety zone and then one of my voices, Safety Stacie said “ REMEMBER! When you leave tonight to walk carefully when you get near the car. Much later as I was getting ready to leave the trailer, I noticed a co-worker was leaving at the same time. We started chatting and so I forgot all about what Safety Stacie said! My coworker said goodnight and went past my car (thank GOD! Cause I think I would have died if anyone besides the safety cameras saw this) and I strode purposefully up to my car door. As I yanked my door open the motion of my sudden stop and yank must have been just enough to start my feet Scooby Dooing on the ice. I vaguely remember a high pitched NO NO NO NO coming out of my mouth. I realized this ship was going down. Safety Stacie yelled Pitch forward not back! And then next thing I knew, I had hit the inside of the car door and slid down it, ending up with my knees hitting the frozen asphalt and my fingers hooked over the top of the door. The door and I swung back and forth for a moment and I looked like someone had hung me on a line to dry.

I gasped for a bit, then let go and slowly slid to the ground. I then proceeded to crawl into my car like a baby, using the seat and steering wheel to gain purchase.

As I sat in my car craning my head around to make sure no one saw my circus stunt, I took inventory of all my body parts. Luckily for me I did not 1. hurt my knees 2. pee my pants 3. get bloody. I did notice that my left hand ring finger hurt like hell…but it didn’t hurt as bad as the time that pig bit my other finger. That finger still aches sometimes when the weather changes. Lesson learned Safety Stacie…lesson learned.

Nothing new here

I haven't been blogging lately....it seems that something funny happens and i just am so busy that i forgot to blog it or i jot down a note of what happened, and then can't make sense of it later. I guess i will just recap a little of life and hope its not too boring... the girls and i bumped into kringle the other day and he was ON FIRE... On fire meaning he was happy and friendly....Cath thinks he's on meds....I think its either that, or his busy time at work has lulled a bit. He actually brought us caramel pecan brownies that were so superb that they almost made me weep. This brownie sharing in turn had us sharing by buying him a poster of a Galapagos turle wearing a hat, monocle and pocket watch. He has since stopped in to say hi to us all again....but i can promise that I will not ask him to go out for a beer. that lesson is LEARNED. I keep leaving my car/house keys in the front door. WHy do I keep doing that? The worse they can do is steal my car. They can't break in as we flip a key less bolt on the front door and we have all the other doors bolted as well...but it is freaky as shit that i do this. I cleaned my room....the living room.....mike and i cleaned ry's room.....i think a total of 6 bags of stuff have been given away...and 6 bags of trash taken out. speaking of which....shit....i have to take the trash out tonight.

The great escape

So I am sitting at a red light (running late to work) and I look over to my right at the crossing traffic whose turn lane is also stopped at a red. There sits a trash truck. A small movement catches my eye at the top of the truck…it looks like a black bag kind o flapping in the mind…then it stops…then it really starts to move. It is not a bag. It is a raccoon. The raccoon is pulling himself out of the trash compacting section of the garbage truck. Then there he sits…looking around….wondering what the hell he is supposed to do now. He walks to the edge f the truck and does that animal thing…where they walk their feet down head first to see how far they can get without sliding the rest of the way and eating shit on the ground….he didn’t get far. Slide………………BAM..he hits the pavement, dodges 2 cars going the opposite way while word bubbles appear over his head (HOLY SHITTTTTTT!) and makes it to the side of the road/bike path…a safe haven in the forest preserve. That was amazing.

Balloon Hair

So it’s a half hour past the end of my work day….I am seriously dragging….my hair (which I had not done a THING to that morning) is flat all over…except for a matted spot on the right top side of my head…my orange shirt is feeling too tight and I am holding a container of sour cream. I walk down the ramp (which I always call the gang plank in my head) and round the bend….coming face to face with Kringle who had come around the corner of his trailer.

Me- uh hi
Kringle- hey! (crap)
Silence
Kringle- look at you all decked out in Halloween colors (wtf is wrong with her? She looks like she is being strangled by her shirt and it looks like she rubbed a balloon against her hair!)
Me- ummmm that’s how we do it in accounting….keep it festive….only a week left.
Kringle- yep! Almost Halloween…can’t wait. ( for it to be over…)
Me- dressing up and trick or treating? (why did I ask him that? What am I even saying? What is coming out of my GD mouth? )
Kringle- I was thinking I would just be a loser….get it? I already am? (there’s my car…I am so close to escaping!)
Me- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (ran out of anything…anything to say….when does that ever happen}

Gah….

Lets go on a field trip!!!

So the other day at the work I received a w9 for a small business in our area. This means we can now start sending the person checks for our purchases, instead of having to get petty cash signed off by 3 people before heading over there. The place is small and reallllllllllllll dirty I had heard, but I had to go over there and walk him through our process so he wouldn't be lost. Cath came with me since she knew where it was. After we stopped at the goodwill and picked up mikes fortune tellers costume, we walked a couple doors down to the store.

The sign said CLOSED. Shit. I really wanted to get this done NOW.

As I peered thru the dusty glass looking to see if the lights were on and such, I felt Cathy poking me...poke poke poke...LOOK! I look at the window next to me where I see a large box...lid up...with grasshoppers hopping and crawling...EWWWW ! And flies buzzing! UGH! I look back thru the front window and see the lights on and the backdoor open. I knock but no one comes...

I have a printed list of invoicing rules in my hand...but I am loath to pop it thru the mail slot...this dude was LOST on the phone and I know he will not understand what I am getting at unless I can garner some eye contact.

Me- come on....let’s drive around the back...I think he's back there.
Cath- ugh...can't you just drop the paper in the mail slot...this place is so gross...and now you want to go in the alley?
Me- it will just take a second. Think what an adventure this will be.

On our way back to the car we see a walkway between 2 buildings...

Me- hey! Let’s take this walkway
Cath- ummmmmm okay...looks kinda odd

We step into the walkway and this is when I realize it is barely as wide as my shoulders. If for any reason we had to turn around quickly and run, too late...we would be dead. Of course the upside is that I can throw Cath at an attacker as long as they come in her end of the pass thru.

We come out the other end unscathed and see mouse man standing there. I walk up slowly, like approaching a child who doesn’t want a bath.

Me- hi! I’m Stacie from the zoo!
MM- ohhhh hiiiiiiiiiiii
Me- we received your tax info from your accountant and I thought I would stop by and walk you through our process.
Mm- that would be nice…it is so confusing….
Mm- ohhhhh it’s raining…come in out of the rain
Cath- gahhhhhhhh
Me- thanks!


Mousman walks in the dim dirty back door….I follow….Cath drags behind not looking happy.

MOTHER OF GOD! Dirt, dust, smell….did I say smell????Mouse-rabbity-stale-animal food-weirdness?! My allergies start acting up ASAP…

Mouseman and I talk about invoices, and receipt books etc…..I find that I am slowly backing out the door as I talk….Cath has already headed back into the rain.

Mousman is lonely and keeps talking. He’s a pretty nice guy….just…..a little…..off?

Mm- I come in here 7 days a week. My family doesn’t understand, but if I don’t feed the mice they will eat the pinkies (baby mice).
Me- hmmmmmmm
mm- Also …people need food for their animals…this one guy got a snake and it wasn’t eating…it was small….so I said…here….ya need a rat…first ya bop it on the head….to kill it..uhhhhhh EUTHENIZE it…
Me- hmmmmmmm (look at the funny little guy trying to back pedal and erase the BOP IT part!)
Mm- then you chop off the rat tail and feed it to the snake…cause its nothing but a sausage,…that’s all tails are….SAUSAGE.
Me-cool.

During this exchange I have a bright smile on my face and I cannot help but be interested….I find just about everything having to do with death fascinating in some way….I peek behind me and see Cathy looking a little green….with a wan smile on her face….I can see the words LETS BAIL being transmitted to me.

Me- fascinating…fascinating….well….we’ve gotta get back! Call if you have any questions!
Cathy- under her breath in the walkway once more…OMG…that place made crazy with my asthma…
Me- ugh.

When I got back, I emailed everyone and their cousins on the new procedure. Kringle was on the list…and guess what…he emailed me back.

Thanks Stacie!

You da bomb!


So maybe he has pulled the restraining order? Doesn’t fear me lurking outside his house? Maybe I am too paranoid and he never thought I was stalking him?

Because no matter how polite you are you should NEVER e-thank your stalker….for anything!

I'm gonna live the free life

Ry told me Saturday he was running away from home.

Ry- You are so mean and bossy...i am done! I am leaving!

he grabbed his cubs robe and laid it down. He started filling it with all sorts of kid shit...pokemon cards, a microscope, other things he wouldn't let me see. he rolled it all up like a tootsie roll and marched in front of me. (fyi we have tons of backpacks ....but everytime he wants to run away, it is the same robe with a tootsie roll look).

Ry- I'm leaving now
me- where you going?
ry- a river. that way i can fish for my food and drink water and stuff.
me- winter isn't too far off, you sure you don't want to stay where its warm?
ry- I can build a shelter and have a fire.
me- you just ordered some pokemon cards off of ebay. they aren't showing up for another 5 days.
ry- *crap* Okay...i will stay till the pokemon cards show up and THEN i am leaving!

later that day we sat down and had a talk about how running away doesn't solve anything and ...

me- you know ry, who was crabby and bossy first this morning?
ry- i was! I know!
me- and your mood affected mine...i started getting bossy and crabby back at you
ry- HEY! Thats called PAYBACK and you told me that payback was BAD!


Busted!

My mom loves curling.

Awhile back Cathy and i went to dinner at a local (for her) restaurant that serves breakfast all day. As per my normal routine, i requested a restaurant that did this and then didn't order breakfast. I don't know why i do this, i just do. Cathy, on the other hand, did order a breakfast skillet.This restaurant was filled with 70 and older people. the youngest peeps besides us were the waitresses. when our orders arrived, mine had a lot of sauteed onions, while Cathy's had none. She saw me scraping them to the side, so i asked her if she wanted any. She said sure.

Now...it should be mentioned here for people who may have forgotten...i not only have comically large hooters, but short t-rex arms.
Cathy did not move her plate closer to me, she just peeled the eggs back as if to say Well? Whatcha waiting for? i scootched forward a bit, but quickly realized there was nowhere to go. my boobs would be covered in gravy if i even moved an inch....my dino arms could in no way reach her plate....so without really thinking it over i scooped a huge amount of onions together with a fork and knife and flung them at Cathys plate.

miraculously they made it.

Suddenly we were both laughing....

me- I can't believe it they not only made it on your plate , but onto the small portion of potatoes you uncovered!
Cath- giggle
me- i think i just found a new Olympic sport!
Cath- i agree. it's amazing and messy!
me- the lameness of it reminds me of that winter sport....the one where you rub the ice with a mop? what is that one??? My mom LOVES it
Cath- Hurling? is it hurling?
me- HURLING???? NO ! CURLING! you were close! so close ...we should call our onion flinging sport hurling!

As i shouted the word Hurling....the 76 year old 6 foot cranky pants woman with the dr seusian double bun listing over her forehead swung her head 180 degrees like an owl and pierced me with her icy gaze....
i shut up for a second. Cath followed my gave and mumbled NICE HAIR under her breath. we both broke up into giggles.

we talked about many things over dinner....but whenever one of us said hurling or curling we started laughing so hard we couldn't stop.

during one of our giggle spats Fanny Seuss was getting up to leave...she stalked past our table and when she got between the two of us she pulled herself up straight and screeched MY GAWD! All the while staring me down.

I was flabbergasted...who got mad at laughter?

this of course made us laugh even more...and made me run to the bathroom to avoid peeing in my pants.

Long Rusty Shears

Well….it officially happened….I hit whatever invisible wall I hit when a change must SUDDENLY happen. I had been hemming and hawing about my hair for days. It had gotten to shoulder length…the perm had grown out so it was an inch straight then curly. The right side of my head tended to frizz up on the top like a bird’s nest while the rest lay in pleasant curls.

Do I color it? Hmmmmm My job does not allow “unnatural” colors. I was unable to stray from the thought of 2 tone blue hair…no other color appealed to me….so no color….
Do I re perm? Hmmmmm….Riley did not like my curly hair…and that birds nest section really bugged me.

So Thursday afternoon I was talking to Jen about my hair…and I said I had half a mind to go cut it all off with our rusty ole scissors. Jen said…noooooooo…you don’t want to do that….but the more she said I didn’t…the more I really did want to!

I left her office and picked up the shears off of Pegs desk. Like a 4 year old I softly snuck them into the bathroom with me….I stared at my hair….in two small pony tails…then stared at the birds nest. I picked up said birds nest and chopped it off!

Well that looked like shit. So I did the same to the other side….Then I sawed through my pony tails.

I was left with a mix between a Dorothy Hamill bowl cut and a mullet. A Hamullet.

I calmly walked into Jen and Cathy’s office again with one hand full of chopped off ponytails and the other holding dagger like scissors.

OH MY GOD! They FREAKED out….Like this was abnormal behavior. I think Cathy wanted to spank me and not in a sexy way. Martin walked by and was like “Hey, what are you guys…oh my god! Is that hair? Oh my god! Do you have a mullet?”

There was pandemonium….my boss ran in…”Are you okay? Mentally? Is everything alright? Is this a breakdown???”

She took the scissors away.

Martin walked by again….”hair…the hair….why? And they say accounting is boring”

I was told they would have paid for a haircut for me if I was short of funds….I love my coworkers. I said I would go get it styled….but sometimes; you just had to DO IT!

I have a sticker on my car that says 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go for it! Cathy said she wished I had listened to the 5th voice that day.

I went to the local hair place where it only costs 8 bucks. The nice older Spanish lady sat me down and had me remove my kerchief (hey…you cannot drive around with a Hamullet). She gasped and made the sign of the cross….She handed me a book of styles….I said, let’s go long. She did not laugh.

She cleaned my hack job up nicely…I kinda love it.

But I still wish it was blue.

sweating like an oldie

I have so many funny little things to share, and yet i do not have the gumption to write them..I need to make myself sit down this weekend and hammer them out....so much to say, so little time.

Play D and D? We are hiring at Target!

Tonight Ry and I stopped by Target on our way home from Grammy and Pops. We needed some breakfast stuff and I had promised him some new Pokemon cards. All his little friends sit around at the morning Y and battle these cards...Every time I have to play it with him i feel like i should just poke my eyes out, but you know...he loves it.

So at target we are checking out and the pokemon pack gets picked up by the clerk. Now he TOTALLY looks normal...but here is what happens..

Clerk- Ohhhhh not Pokemon.
Stacie- ?!?!?
Clerk- you know, you shouldn't really invest your money in pokemon. Its not real Japanese animation.
Stacie- (in my head) Is this dude talking to me??? WTF!
Stacie - (outloud) mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Clerk- I mean...there are so many other wonderful things you could be watching...I think that (inserting fake title here cause I cannot remember what he said) Usuba wan gee gee is awesome. It is on episode 20 and the hero is really someone to look up to. They show his scars because he refuses to kill so he is always taking a beating.
Stacie- Ummmm. You know those pokemon cards are for an 8 year old.
Clerk- Oh....yeah...yeah....but i mean really...pokemon is not anime...anime is the name for Japanese cartoons. it is very arty...and wonderful.
Stacie- welll.....ummmmmm okay...yeah...love anime....ummmm see ya.

Now look...this whole bizarre conversation probably wouldn't have bothered me if i wouldn't have had a very similar one at Dominicks 2 weeks ago about comic con and civil war games with a clerk there. WTF people. I don't care if you prefer the original star trek over the next generation. I don't want to discuss that your other hobby is dressing up in union soldier uniforms and doing a night reenactment complete with cannon firing. I just want my milk and cereal.

And why is it that all of these odd young men feel that I am just the person they should be yapping to about this? I was not wearing my Buffy t shirt...I had my eight year old with me so it is OBVIOUS the cards are for him...

Besides....everyone knows Star Trek Next Generation was way better that the original..

You down with STD....yeah you know me

I just wrote this whole thing and it was wiped out in an instant...you just know this story won't be funny the second time i write it.

A couple weeks ago I was out with Belle at Panera's eating dinner and then knitting. During the meal I mentioned that I often concede to switch ry days with her and Mike for plans they have, and i would hope that if i start dating they will be open to swapping days with me.

Belle- OMG~! It's been 4 years and you are finally talking about dating! I knew you would! You told me you would never date another guy but now you want to !!!!
Stacie- Calm down. I am not talking about dating anyone really.
Belle- You just said Date! You cannot deny it!!!
Stacie- by "date" i meant fuck. I am not interested in a relationship...i just want sex.
Belle- EWWWWWWW! Stacie! what about diseases! Oh my god! You have no idea where they have been !!!!!

Now....a couple days later i recounted the above convo to Cath, Jen, and Peg at our local Chinese dive...and here is the continuation

Stacie- So I said to Belle...my "date" will wear a condom! I am not a teenager!
and Belle said to me " THere are other things you can catch!" So I said I am almost 40 years old and if i want to get an STD I have earned that right! I have been careful and in relationships my whole life (except that one time in a bathroom in HS). Dammit! I am adult enough to have casual sex!
Cath- Ummmm Stace, I think that guy in the booth next to us just stroked out.

Cue all Four of us looking over at lone dude only two feet away with a flushed face and glazed look in his eye.

Crap.

Strip it...Strip it good!

The other night I picked Ry up from school and brought him home. He wanted to watch Pokemon in my room and eat dinner on my bed. I was okay with it so I tell him to go upstairs and make sure the bed is made (cue all my ocd friends GASPING at an unmade bed).
I was prepping dinner when i heard him come into the kitchen behind me.

WTF?

Stacie- where did all your clothes go?
Ry- I like to strip down when i get home...get comfy.
Stacie- ummmm....at least you are still wearing your underwear.
Ry- If i know i don't have to go out again, I might as well be like this ..so i can stay cool and relax.

Now the funniest part of this is that I am a total stripper when i get home....BUT...I really do keep my clothes on until bed now, and have been doing such since my kid hit 3 (old enough to draw naked mommy pics= clothes on)

So is this naked streak hereditary? God help me...he gets my nakedness and Mikes body type...my stubbornness and mikes intellect...WTF!

My genes suck!

Nature Fights back

Not a lot going on today....To work my way backwards...

Just got off the phone with my fabulous cousin Andee...whom autocorrect likes to change to Andre..When she is not running Triathlons and Marathons she is raising a house of hilarious girls and helping her husband run their store Sierra Running Company in Fresno. Anyway....I mention that I have to get off the phone soon because i have a check run tomorrow and i hear her suck in a large breath...
Andee: Check run! That sounds awesome! What is that? Is it some kind of half marathon?
Stacie: Calm down...its where i print off checks and match them to a bunch of invoices and crap...my ass stays in a chair.
Andee: Oh....i thought you had finally decided to start running...sigh. Hey, by the way...I know you're probably not interested...
Stacie: Hmm? GO ahead and ask.
Andee: well there is this Nike Marathon in San Francisco and we have some free entry tickets if you wanted to do it. During one mile people come out and give you chocolate and at the end a half naked firefighter gives you a tiffany's box with a nike necklace in it for you. my other cousin is coming...want to ?
Stacie: the chocolate and the half naked firefighter make it hard for me to say no. Can I use an ECV?
Andee: I think you have to use your legs.
Stacie: are you sure? cause i am picturing me approaching the chocolate now with the motor humming...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...beep beep.

before the call was dinner...

My pork chop decided to fight back. I went to take a bite of it and a hidden piece of hot fat exploded against my lip like shrapnel in the fight for vegetarianism. I hate you pork. Now my lip hurts...just enough to annoy me. Luckily so far i still look normal. Tomorrow is an all staff meeting. I do not need to see the whole zoo and have them see a weird puffy lip, Like i tried and failed at lip injections.

before dinner was work

nothing much there....my under wire bra, where it met in the middle ...I noticed how bizarrely hard it was...so I balanced my staple remover on it while trying to get pegs attention while she was on the phone.

and that was it for the day!